Great News In The Fight Against AIDS

The first phase of testing on 49 Chinese volunteers of an AIDS vaccine seem to have proved safe and effective. The paid volunteers have shown no signs of serious negative side effects after 180 days and seem to now be immune to the AIDS virus. The second and third phases of testing are slated to begin soon. This is excellent news and we can only hope that the patent will remain nationaly owned by the Chinese government and not sold of to an independant commercial organization. If that were the case we would risk seeing a repeat of the AZT debacle, courtesy of Glaxo-Wellcome in 2000. Keep your fingers crossed for this one.

Here's the link to the article.

Tragedy Ltd.

Tired of the same old tragic events? Does the banal, monotonous way in which the latest war is reported bore you to death? Has the blah, blah, blah of famine or plane crash victims got you ready to change the channel? If so, get ready for X-Treme Tragedy! The nation's most radical 24 hour news network. Everyone knows that Africans are starving, so who wants to see them interviewed in the same old depressing village? Not us. How about interviewing a malnurished African...while sky diving! To the Max! Children with their limbs blown off? Boring! But not while shreding down Bella Coola on a rocket-powered snowboard! Wicked! Our crack team of X-treme reporters crank up the arenaline factor to bring you the most amped, tricked out tragedies you've ever seen. Soundtracked to the latest new rock, alternative music you'll see AIDS victims bungee jumping for medication, homeless Iraqis tearing it up on a 16' vertical half-pipe for their chance to win canned goods for their family, and much more. So join Trip Slickerton, Trey Zapowitz, Trace Slam, Blackey Rap McStereotype and The Female One as they pimp out the news so that you don't have to think about it. X-Treme Tragedy! Where we put the X in Global Eventsx!

Gooder Vs. Goodest: The Movie (On Page)

It's 4am and I've to work in 3 hours, but the clock beats steadily like a pretentious metaphor you've just discovered the pleasure of reading. I'm a good guy. The opposite of which would be an evil guy. The eternal struggle between my goodness and my enemy's badness is inherent in my being. My goodness causes me to understand that those with differing opinions naturaly represent badness, sadness, madness. This causes them to become spiteful and be overcome with hate. I hate them for that. I hate them so deeply. The bad guys. For their hate. I'm color blind and my enemy is simply the black to my white. Hell to my Heaven. Heresy to my Holiness. I will proudly die for my ignorance.

Woe are we, the good, the bad, the relative, the perspective, the dead.

Oh, man.


The above post, I should mention, is an example of the way I can most closely interpret the attitude about war by those fighting. The attitudes of those driving war are much more based in their pocketbooks. So the serfs, duped by their kings, continue to kill and die for a flag made in a sweatshop in another nation.

Nostalgia #2 (Flag Waving Infants In The Pursuit Of Segregation)

O.K., here's the thing. Your flag does not ward off evil spirits. It doesn't protect you from having to defend a naive, ignorant, willfully blinded point of view in the face of a valid argument. Your flag does not define who you are and what you represent any more than your t-shirt does. You've a right and, in my opinion, an outright obligation to define yourself as "you" see fit. Your flag is a reminder to others of who's ownership you are under. Who your sponsor is. Your flag is a Nike Swoosh reminding those wearing a Volcom logo that you are different from them. That you belong to another team and that your team is better than their team for reasons that have yet to be explained to you, but look here's a flag, wave it. Die for it. Kill for it. Why? What do you mean "why"? Fuckin', look at all the pretty colours and shit. Look, there's a symbol on it, c'mon isn't that sweet. O.K. now go eat a bullet in the name of segregation. Oops, did I say segregation, I meant unification. You see cause once we kill everyone with different flags or get them to buy our flags we'll all be unified. There'll be no more war or disagreement of any kind because we'll all have the same flag, you see. Except for Blacks, Queers, Hippies, Women and the rest of those crybabies right, because they're always complaining. Like our team's not good enough or something. What do they want from us? Rights!? Yeah right, here, have a flag. You can design your own flags if you'd like, different from our now globally "adopted" symbol. Sweet, we've got someone to fight again. Everybody on our side grab a gun and a flag. Good, now everybody's dead except for us five. The white, identical quintuplets who all look the same and come from the same place. Woo-Hoo, just me and my brothers.

What do you mean you always hated "Everybody Loves Raymond" bro? It's so funny.

O.K. Anyone who enjoyed "Everybody Loves Raymond" for it's wholesome gags and comical family banter before we killed everyone on the planet, make a flag. Now, anyone who didn't like it, make a different flag. O.K. everyone grab a gun. *BANG*... Wow, thank God that's over. Finally, it's just me and my flag and nobody to dispute it. Think I'll go jerk-off for the rest of eternity.

Aren't we stupid.

Nostalgia #1 (Let Freedom Ring)

Fuck this. The recently erased prologue paragraph to this post has just been deleted on account of the fact that I have a sixth sense for losing my train of thought. Though, I assure you, it was great, you would have loved it and it very well could have changed the world for the better. Sorry. My bad. I got caught up in a phone call from my rich, male, white, hetero, christian friend, Freedom®. He needs our help. He says he now comes in an easy to open container that can be purchased for the low, low price of $5.95 (plus all applicable taxes and souls) at your local Wal-Mart. All he asks is that we spread him all over the Earth. That doesn't sound too hard. He said that the 14 year old in Malaysia who works in the plant that manufactures the new container assured him that they were failsafe. He and his friends appearently work 16 hours a day and are under very strict regulations to ensure that each jar of Freedom® can be opened by our most frail and unused of hands. Freedom® assures me that our little malaysian pal wants nothing more than for our hands to be healthy, clean and cosmetically sound so that he and his friends can watch us sail our pretty boats, fall in love with our pretty women and drive our pretty cars. You see, he's heard so much about us and plans to buy his family a television in 9 years (he has a dream). I smiled when I heard this. I mean, imagine, all we have to do is spread Freedom®, the all-natural, all-chemical, all-encompasing seed of happiness and this young man could do anything with his future. Amazing.

Now this being only my second encounter with Freedom®, verbaly or otherwise, I asked him a little about himself. "America" he said, "is where I am from." I asked him how he would describe himself, to which he replied; "As being American." I mentioned that in order for any ideal, thesis or definition to exist a counter-part or opposite must exist as well. He said; "I am Freedom®, my opposite must be Oppression." I asked him how he could ever expect to extinguish an idea that must remain in order for him to exist. He hung up.

Freedom® is a word. It's an idea. It's not a sense of pride and is individual to everyone. No flag, colour, race, creed, anthem, class, sexual orientation or gender will ever define it. It cannot be spread. It cannot even be realised by many because it is, by nature, something to which we are in constant pursuit.

Wake the fuck up.


* The word Freedom® and the capital letter F are trademarks of the United States of America and may only be used with their expressed consent. Any unauthorised use of said trademarks will result in the imidiate decapitation of the offender.

The Book Of Revolution: Part 1 (For Bob Cole, by request)

This is the revelation God gave to Jesus Christ, that he might show his servants what must happen very soon. He made it known by sending his angle (not a typo) to his servant Kevin, who in reporting all he saw bears witness to the word of God and the testimony of Jesus Christ.

To the seven churches in the province of America: Kevin wishes you war and oil - from him who is and who was and is to one day decide on a particular point in time at which to be, I suppose. And from Jesus, his homeboy, the first-born from schizophrenia and ruler with which the kings of men shall forever slap fear and guilt into the palms of innocent school children.

On the Lord's day I was doing ecstasy, and I heard behind me a piercing voice like the sound of Axel Rose ripping it up, which said, "Write on a blog what you now see and send it to the seven churches: to News Media, Big Business, War, Racism, Government, Organised Religion, and Mel Gibson." I turned around to see whose voice it was that spoke to me. In his right hand he held seven stars. A sharp, two-edged sword came out of his mouth, and the elephants did tricks for him, and he blew fire and juggled the crushed spirits of misguided Africans who prayed, gave all the little money they had to the church, but still died of AIDS or starvation. "There is nothing to fear. This is the secret of the seven stars, write of what you see in these visions, for the stars are the seven churches."


"To the presiding spirit of the church of News Media, write this:

"I know your deeds, your labors. I know you can not tolerate facts or relevant news. I know that one time FOX and CNN got all fucked up on blow in Vegas and had sexual mediacourse, an affair which gave birth to the twins, Gossip and Propaganda. I hold this against you: You have turned aside from your early love. A love of patience, of whistle blowing. A love of trying to educate and inform citizens in an attempt to cure the evils of this world. This love traded for flashy graphics and ridiculous names such as Wolf Blitzer, Trace Gallagher and Zap McSlicerton. But you have this much in your favor: Soledad O'Brien is mad hot, son. I'd hit it."


"To the presiding spirit of the church of Big Business, write this:

"I know of your tribulation and your poverty, even though you are rich. I know the slander you endure from self-styled Jews who are nothing other than members of Satan's assembly. (The last two sentences are straight from the Bible in the letter to Smyrna. I thought I'd leave them intact to give you an example of the kind of hate spewing shit that's in here) Have no fear of what is to come. Ken Lay and I play poker for the souls of the poor every other Friday. Tell Ted Turner and Michael Eisner to request that they be buried with weed. It's dry up here, man. Tell Bill Gates he should have stayed on our team instead of donating $50,000,000 dollars to AIDS research. Way to go, dumbass. You know it costs Billions of dollars and white skin to get up here. Now you're short."


"To the presiding spirit of the church of War, write this:

"I know you live in the very place where Satan's throne is erected...hehe...: and I know you hold fast to my name and have not denied the faith you have in me, not even when you couldn't find Osama Bin Laden, not even when you couldn't find WMDs, not even when people died, not even when history told you that you were a bad idea, not even when the entire world was saying no to you. You have always served me well, War, and you will be rewarded upon your entry into Heaven with the gift of wisdom, at which point you'll be like 'shit, why did I kill all those fucking people? It doesn't make any sense', then you'll suffer for eternity from flashbacks and post service dementia. Admittedly, I should have thought to give you wisdom sooner, but if War held Wisdom then it wouldn't exist. Booom! How's that for a paradox, bitch."


"To the presiding spirit of the church of Racism, write this:

"I know of the t-shirt you wear to clan meetings that says "God don't make no trash", I also know of your cross burnings, lynchings, hatred and ignorance. I know the meaning of irony. Amen"




TO BE CONTINUED...

Innocents, In A Sense

Not sure if you're all up to date on the latest news pertaining to the enemies of whiteism, but I was fortunate enough today to recieve a crash course on "the dark races" from a dentaly challenged co-worker who has a PHD in Jus' Givin' Er', so I'll fill you in. First, black people smell different and like to steal, smoke crack and eat chicken and watermelon. Second, Chinese people (anyone East of Russia) can't drive because their eyes are shaped differently, talk funny and they smell different. Arabic people are all, it would seem, from Pakistan, making them what are refered to as "Pakis". They all drive taxis and own corner stores and are terrorists. They smell different too. Last, but not least, the Jews have all the money, love all the money they have, smell different. There you have it. That's all there is. Cut and dry, clear as day, black and white (and yellow and brown and jewish).

Where the fuck do these assholes come from? I just imagine some redneck telling his young child a story about Jewy Jewbowitz, who came up from the depths of hell, beat up Jesus and stole his wallet setting a precident for all Jews to create a bleak future for the poor, poor, Christian white man. Or a bunch of toothless, sister fucking, tobacco chewing NASCAR junkies in t-shirts that say something clever like "My wife said it was either her or my truck. I'm sure gonna miss her." discussing how it was naturaly a white guy who first discovered fire and that it all evolved from there, failing to realise the tragic irony in the fact that their next stunning contribution to the wisdom pool is going to be a chat about how God created the world 6000 years ago and evolution is a bunch of hippie hoo-ha, hog-wash and jibber jabber. Adam killed all the dinosaurs with his penis, aged their bones by a few million years and buried them just to fuck with us, didn't you know? God rewarded him by creating woman to be his servant, it's in the book of Gittin' Er' Done, look it up. The racists beget more racists which is a pain in the ass because they breed like rabbits on ecstacy. Then they repeat stupid cliches that you know they either read off of the side of a cereal box or heard some football announcer say, like "there's a time and a place for everything." I guess the best time to have a baby must be when the big hand on the clock hits 14 years old and the little hand hits highschool dropout.

It's not just the parents either. When I was seven, growing up in the sticks outside of Windsor, my priest told me that if Africans just prayed harder then God wouldn't have given them AIDS. Good man. Then he put his finger inside me. I was always told that the sign of the cross was like God's phone number and that you could simply dial it and pray your heart out, so naturaly I assumed that the anal rape was just Father Slippy-Fist checking his voicemail for a divine message. Still, I felt it was best to go see the hayseed cops down there in Tecumseh. They told me that I was asking for it because I was dressed like a whore, then they fed the men they had arrested for "walking while black" KFC and malt liquor, went home and beat some cooking skills into their wives. I wonder if they learned from the same priest.

I'll never excuse racism, but I've been fortunate enough to have an open-minded up bringing and the above story about the racist priest is made up (or am I just saying that because he threatened that I would go to hell for telling anyone? Hmmm) I can easily see where racism stems from though. That it's passed down from one generation to the next. Almost making the racists innocents, in a sense. Fuck that, who am I kidding? They're assholes.

Plastic Surgeons Without Borders

Another brilliant clip from Wonder Showzen.

Slaves!

This is a clip from a show called Wonder Showzen. It's hysterical.

Is It The End Of The World Or Are We Just Idiots?

Say your prayers and give all your money to the nearest Church (Do not pass GO), it's the end of the world.

Now, I consider myself a progressive and though I hate the political party association automatically attributed by some, I'd call myself a "Liberal" person. As a liberal, when I'm not trying to steal Christmas from Jesus, I naturaly spend my time supporting the evil homosexual conspiracy to corrupt your youth as well as the interracial marriage epidemic that threatens to rid the world of white people forever. Fortunately it's the end of the world and you'll soon not have to deal with me ever again. Haven't you been watching the news? Lordy, lordy, the time is upon us when Jesus will descend from Heaven, pull a flaming sword from his mouth (this is straight from the Bible) and exact his wrath on the wicked. It's in the book of Revelations or Horton Hears a Who or something. The good news is that your 24 hour news networks have taken the time out of their busy days spent bringing you the latest investigative reports on Mel Gibson's bowel movements to inform you of your impending doom. This is a serious problem for me as it absolves humanity of any and all responsibility for the state of the world and the violence taking place. "Really, God's gonna take care of it? Sweet, well I'm just gonna do some blow and fuck this hooker then. Later."


Dear Paula Zahn,

It's not the end of the world. You're an idiot.

Kevin N. Burke