I Dabble In Advertising Again
There's lots of money in advertising. Take the new milk ads for instance. You might ask why milk would need to be advertised in the first place since practicaly everyone drinks it anyhow, but that's why you're not in advertising.
If you were you'd know that;
A) Vegans don't drink milk.
B) 96.4% of vegans are rappers.
So once the niche market is discovered, what better way to tackle it than with rapping farmers. It's really just simple advertisonomics. In light of my new found powers of figure-outability I've decided to leave the lucrative world of grass cutting behind in favour of something that better utilises my talents. Here are a few ideas for ads and products I've been kicking around the office.
-Product: Adult Diapers
Ad: Many youth challenged individuals, though their arteries are slowly deteriorating, like to think of themselves as young at heart. I suggest a television ad featuring a tatooed old man in an adult diaper sky-diving on a skateboard while playing some kick-ass electric guitar. Also, he says "Wazzup!" and is on fire.
-Product: A cellphone with a built in land-line phone and airbag
Ad: Have you ever been at home, heard the phone ring and not know if it's your cell or your home phone? Not anymore. It has an airbag too. Also, this ad features dancing people and cool techno music that sounds like robots having sex...in the future!!!
-Product: A New Hollywood Movie
Pitch: The internet turns into a vampire and joins with a mutant superhero team that travels back in time and wages giant battles in a land of dragons and wizards. Directed by Jesus! (Mel Gibson, second choice)
-Product: Scat Porn for the whole family
Ad: A work in progress, preferably something involving a korean animated mascot.
-Product: Disney merchandise
Ad: Mickey rounds up Chinese kids at DisneyWorld and they all sail away on Captain Hook's magical flying pirate ship to the Disney merch factory. There the kids get to play with sewing machines and soldering equipment all day and night. Hooray! The merchandise is then carried to North America by an all new Disney character; a giant animated smile named Happy Facial Expressiony, and dropped on all the suburban children. Also, Happy Facial Expressiony Vs. The Evil Unions, straight to DVD movie tie-in.
-Product: The Freedom Tickler
Ad: Like the French Tickler sex toy, but more patriotic. The ad features Toby Keith singing "I just American't let you go unsatisfied, my love." Also, apple pie.
If you were you'd know that;
A) Vegans don't drink milk.
B) 96.4% of vegans are rappers.
So once the niche market is discovered, what better way to tackle it than with rapping farmers. It's really just simple advertisonomics. In light of my new found powers of figure-outability I've decided to leave the lucrative world of grass cutting behind in favour of something that better utilises my talents. Here are a few ideas for ads and products I've been kicking around the office.
-Product: Adult Diapers
Ad: Many youth challenged individuals, though their arteries are slowly deteriorating, like to think of themselves as young at heart. I suggest a television ad featuring a tatooed old man in an adult diaper sky-diving on a skateboard while playing some kick-ass electric guitar. Also, he says "Wazzup!" and is on fire.
-Product: A cellphone with a built in land-line phone and airbag
Ad: Have you ever been at home, heard the phone ring and not know if it's your cell or your home phone? Not anymore. It has an airbag too. Also, this ad features dancing people and cool techno music that sounds like robots having sex...in the future!!!
-Product: A New Hollywood Movie
Pitch: The internet turns into a vampire and joins with a mutant superhero team that travels back in time and wages giant battles in a land of dragons and wizards. Directed by Jesus! (Mel Gibson, second choice)
-Product: Scat Porn for the whole family
Ad: A work in progress, preferably something involving a korean animated mascot.
-Product: Disney merchandise
Ad: Mickey rounds up Chinese kids at DisneyWorld and they all sail away on Captain Hook's magical flying pirate ship to the Disney merch factory. There the kids get to play with sewing machines and soldering equipment all day and night. Hooray! The merchandise is then carried to North America by an all new Disney character; a giant animated smile named Happy Facial Expressiony, and dropped on all the suburban children. Also, Happy Facial Expressiony Vs. The Evil Unions, straight to DVD movie tie-in.
-Product: The Freedom Tickler
Ad: Like the French Tickler sex toy, but more patriotic. The ad features Toby Keith singing "I just American't let you go unsatisfied, my love." Also, apple pie.
posted by Hooligan at 1:16 PM
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