We Don't Need No Education, We Don't Need No Thought Control (And, Shut the fuck up Suri Cruise)

Remember Scholastic books? I do. I remember how excited I was in grade school to bring the new month's Scholastic catalogue home to beg my parents for all the cool books that I just had to get to read. Scholastic has changed it would seem. In conjunction with the release of an ABC television docudrama based on the 9/11 Commission Report entitled "Pathway to 9/11", Scholastic has issued notices to 100,000 teachers in U.S. highschools asking the teachers to instruct their students to watch the program and then discuss it in class with the help of an ABC/Scholastic provided "Discussion Guide". Not only is this flagrant, bullshit advertising for ABC at the expense of students (similar, in my opinion, to jean, etc. ads in highschool washrooms), but appearently the docudrama and discussion guide are both full of propagating misinformation (just in time for the U.S. congressional election, I might add) such as suggesting that there were ties between 9/11 and the invasion of Iraq. You can read more about this here at mediamaters.org. You would figure that the "free" press in the United States, considering that many of the networks are in direct competition with ABC, would at the very least make mention of this story. Nope. Would you like to know why? More fucking celebrity baby news!!! Hooray! Pictures of Suri Cruise! And we can only judge by the frenzy of media surrounding this child that she is infact going to be the savior of the world. Why else would they avoid every other relevant piece of news the world over? The continuing genocide in Darfur, the increase in violence in Iraq, ChoicePoint working to rig democratic elections the world over, the real reasons for the increase in oil prices? Suri Cruise will take care of it all. Thank your lucky stars that we finally have a picture of her. I don't know about you, but I'm ordering a few 8x5's and a shitload of wallet sized prints to hand out to all of my friends. That poor, poor kid.

Dear Suri,

Hey there cutie, you sure are a little bundle of joy aren't you? You are the most famous baby in the world and I'm willing to bet that you might have had a really good chance of becoming a wonderful person someday. Unfortunately, the environment that you are going to grow up in is bound to fuck you up beyond belief. It's not just your psycotic parents, but the expectations that our news media has knowingly dumped on you. Also, it's us. Humans. If we weren't such ass backwards, fucked up gossip pigs not only might we have been able to set up a better world for you to be born into, but we wouldn't be watching your every move from birth. Rent the Truman Show when you turn 16 and you'll understand what Uncle Kevin meant from this letter someday. Sorry kiddo, we've failed you and the rest of the world. Hope your thetan levels are high.

Kevin Burke

P.S. Rebel your fuckin' ass off.