I've Met Your Makers and I Think They're Assholes...

Dear Fundamentalist Jews and Muslims (other Sunday Morning Sing-a-Long Clubs take note),

You people are bat-shit insane. Fucking, off-the wall, out of touch, over the hill, round the bend, rubber room, straight jacket escapees deserving of lobotomies. Give me the scalpel, I'll perform the surgery myself, because you aren't deserving of the mental ability which would allow you to throw your own feces at each other, let alone use fucking weapons. The niceties are over. We're taking your missles and the parts of your brains that allow you to function on what's conventionaly considered a normal, healthy level and in exchange you're getting easy to open pudding cups with plastic spoons and some rubber balls to bounce that we hope will keep you occupied and out of our faces for the rest of eternity. Enjoy the remainder of the show from the cheap seats and when your Gods show up we'll tell them that we turned your holy land into a titty bar because the alternative was dealing with you assholes for another thousand or so years (also, because we love tits). Do you even remember what you're fighting about? Not at this exact moment. I mean the fucking tootsie roll center of your asinine, decades long destruction pop. How many licks does it take before it starts to taste like heaven, assholes? Want the answer? It never fucking will! Here's another whopper of a revelation for you: Your "god" doesn't exist, neither does your creepy, red pitchfork guy who's waiting, appearently to bail hay with you in hell if you have sex before marriage. Earth is not the center of the universe and you are not the center of earth. Your holy land is fucking useless. Can you even grow crops on that shit? Is it going to help your economy? What are you protecting? Is there a Marilyn Monroe, John F. Kennedy sex tape buried under that earth? Better yet, is it Optimus Prime? Help me out here. Because it's got to be worth it. Surely you can't expect us to believe that this is all really about land depicted in holy texts translated a million times over and written almost two thousand years ago by people who, believe it or not, were even fucking stupider than you are today. Is it like one of those vehicles from the Power Rangers that changes from a robot into a dinosaur? The one ring to rule them all? It's not, is it? You really believe that it's "holy" don't you? God Damn It! What's worse is that we let you go on with this shit because we've learned that belittling someone's religion is wrong. So we appease you with our silence. Then on the rare occasions when you aren't fighting over "magic" we act real proud and pat you on the backs like you've done something extraordinary. Guess what, idiots, you aren't supposed to fucking blow each other up over pixie dust, statues that posses the souls of great prophets, mythical crystals, goblets, tablets or any other Lord of the Rings, Dungeons and Dragons role playing type shit that your forebears imaginations could conjure up. So I won't be rewarding your mediocrity with sudden numbness of opinion. I don't blow my load on the guy at Tim Hortons when he gives me the right coffee, why would I congratulate you for not being illogical, half-wits with personality tumors? You created your world as I've created mine, not god, not allah, not the invisble man, not superman, not Chuck Norris. Take some responsibility for the state of the world and stop trying to pass the buck to nowhere man. You created it and it's construction is ongoing (unless you continue and decide to make it finite). So fuck you, because I've met your makers and I think they're assholes.